"I am a very private person, yet I am an open BOOK. If you don’t ask…I won’t tell."

2 years ago with 3 notes Reblog 
Have you ever thought about suicide?

Yes, I thought about it, but not as literal action, but yes as a negative thought (always starts that way I guess) let me explain ok?

Years ago, exactly in my last year of college, I had so many problems, financial problems because I was out of work, and my university was rather expensive, especially in my last semester. I had serious problems with one of my teachers, i depended on him to graduate. The relationship that i  had at that time was the worst of my life, that guy almost destroys me, and  the parents of my best friends had died, and one of my best friends (the only straight boy friend I ever had ) was interned in a psychiatric.

My depression was extreme, even worse than when I lost my dad. I don’t know what to do, so many things at once. I Just wanted to sleep for long hours, and wake up and hoping that everything was fine. But NO. Well I had that bad thought of suicide, as the typical easy way out (like people say), misused phrase, because I hate when people say: that person committed suicide, he/she was weak and took an easy way out… that’s so stupid, criticize without knowing what happened to that person. But what came after was worse, guilt, regret, for having thought of that.

The most strangest thing about all that was I started having dreams with my dad, and he told me: you are not alone, I’m going to help, I have always been with you. Then I met a person who helped me a lot, because I could to vent and talk about what was happening to me.

Now I’m afraid of dying, I pray to god to give me a chance to be happy, because I’ve never really been happy, though I have bad days, I’m fighting, fighting to exit the hole where I am and really start living.

Why do you ask me this? Do you have problems? We can talk privately, and I can help in any way possible if you wish, for real. I’M HERE

(So sorry for the length of the message, but this is one of my biggest flaw, I extend myself a lot when I want to explain something)

tagged as: My Post;  anon;  i'm here anon;  personal;  suicide;  you're not alone;  answers;